Whoops!
by The Queen Of Mischief
Summary: Hermione Granger, assistant to a businessman, accidentally blurts out all her secrets to a supposed stranger on a plane until she realized he's her new boss. Inspired by 'Can You Keep A Secret' but the story is different! BH! REVIEWWWWW!
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

I've never actually thought that I was quite normal. I mean, I have an abnormal bunch of secrets. Here are some secrets from the top of my head:

I'm a witch

I've once had a lesbian dream about me and my roommate and best friend, Lissy

I borrowed my other roommate's white Armani jacket without quite asking permission and spilt coffee on it by accident

I have a thing about zoos. I think they're cruel and should be shut down

I've had a crush on Draco Malfoy once

Sometimes, I look around my office and wonder where I am

I have a weird tendency of forgetting things

I have a bad habit of writing things on my hand

My G-string is hurting me

I have a bad habit of chewing my fingernails

Anyways, as I'm thinking this, I'm sitting with my wonderful boyfriend Kevin, talking.

"Hermione, we need to talk." Kevin sounds serious.

Oh, shit.

I wince. He's going to break up with me, isn't he? I think.

"Hermione, when I met you, I thought you were wonderful. You were smart, pretty, funny, but then you brought up all this witch stuff. Look, I can respect other people's religions and all but I don't want to have a 

girlfriend who believes she's gone to a magical high school! I knew it was too good to be true."

I sigh. I thought it was only fair to let him know the truth. We were having an innocent conversation about the afterworld, and if I had just said "Oh, yeah, ghosts, psh, who believes that crap anyways?" I would have been a hypocrite. And Hermione Granger is certainly not a hypocrite.

I couldn't believe what he was saying, though. 'Respect other people's religion??'

Witchcraft wasn't bloody a religion. Isn't.

"It's over." He walks out of the door.

Ten seconds later, my roommate and best friend, Lissy comes in.

"What happened? I could hear Kevin yelling and then he stormed out looking like thunder! Wait, you didn't tell him about your er, special talents, did you?"

"I had to, Lissy! I couldn't bloody well base a relationship on lies, could I now?"

Lissy looked at me like 'Duh!' for a second, then looked sympathetic as she considered it properly.

"Yes, I suppose you're right. Jem wouldn't agree though, I suppose."

"Yeah, she thinks love is like a game of chess. Strategies and all."

Jem was our other roomy, and was currently in Paris on vacation, so we thankfully wouldn't be seeing her for a while. And we would have her wardrobe- or Aladdin's cave- filled with designer clothes from Dolce 

and Gabbana, Armani, Versace, Chanel, Coach and Marc Jacobs all to ourselves for that time. Muahahaha.

"Yeah. It's just such a shame, you know. I mean, I don't want to rub it in or anything, Hermione, the last thing I would want to do is make this any harder for you, but Kevin really seemed like a nice guy. I didn't think that bastard would walk out on you."

"I know. Lissy, I need a vodka."

"Yeah, let's indulge together." Lissy had also recently been dumped by her boyfriend, Mark, and wasn't in the best of spirits either.

After five shots of vodka and about a pint of chocolate ice cream, feeling very drunk, we were giggling about the whole thing.

"Mark was such an asshole. He never wanted to hear what I had to say. He once tried to make me have sex with chocolate and whipped cream. Not to mention handcuffs and a whip."

"Lissy, is it just me, or do all your boyfriends have a strange urge to have wild, animalistic sex with you?"

Lissy shrugged.

"It sounds rather exciting!" I said, with a mischievous gleam in my eye.

"And Kevin was so _annoying,_ constantly reciting _The Sound of Music _line by line. What a loser." I said.

"Yeah." Lissy snorted.

"Well, I propose a toast!" I said raising my glass theatrically. "To single women!"

"To wild sex with different men every day of the week!"

"To freedom!"

"And to fun!" we chimed in together before swigging our seventh shot of vodka.

--

I woke up the next day with a major hangover.

"Lissy, can I not go to work today?"

"No," grumbled Lissy, also in major agony.

"Uuuugh. I hate my crap assistant job."

"Honey, you're an assistant to a sexy businessman. If I were you, I would say 'Shagatwork, here I come!'

I roll my eyes. "I'm not like that with George!"

"Oh, yeah. Sure."

Lissy is a lawyer. Hi-fi top-notch lawyer. She's wanted to be one ever since she was little, and now she is! I, on the other hand, having gone to Hogwarts, had almost no qualifications, as I couldn't very well waltz into a job interview saying, 'Oh yeah, I've been to school. A magic one, with talking paintings and ghosts and Dark Lords!'

But I managed to get myself an assistant's job which many girls with a much longer resume would have killed to get. The pay was quite fantastic. Not enough for a fancy car, or a penthouse apartment, but enough to survive and to get the occasional treat every now and again and clothes from French Connection.

I sigh and say "Oh all right, I'll go to work."

"Yeah, so will I." says Lissy.

--

I head off to the office building. It's one of those crisp mornings that make you feel that London really is the best city in the world.

I hop up the office building stairs and enter the building. I'm hit by a wave of air conditioning. I walk up into my department- the assistant one- and settle down, placing my handbag in the drawers at my desk along with my coat. I walk up to George's office and knock before entering.

"Good morning, George," I say in as cheery a voice as I can muster, ignoring the throbbing ache in my head.

"Good morning," he says in his American accent.

"I brought you breakfast!" I say, handing him coffee and a bagel.

"Thanks!" he smiles, his eyes crinkling at the corners. "That's why I keep you!"

I smile back, a difficult task, as my brain has to send signals to my mouth to smile and as we all know, my brain isn't in the best of conditions.

"Oh, and here are those papers you asked me to photocopy for you." I hand him a few crisp papers.

"Thank you." He smiles again.

"Is there anything you need me to do?"

"Um, yes, could you possibly fax this over to Freddy from Accounts?"

"Of course," I say professionally, taking the paper from his hand.

"You're a star!"

"Oh, and Henry from marketing called and he wants you to send over the Angelou file." I informed him.

"Of course, yes." He looked thoughtful. "Okay, that's all Hermione, unless anyone else called?"

"Nope," I say, flicking through my notebook.

"Okay."

I walk out of the room feeling a bit better.

I settle down at my desk once more and start my computer.

My colleague, Emily, is on the phone with her mother.

She covers the receiver and looks at me. "Have you found that poster ad I asked you to?" she asks.

"Yes," I rise to give it to her and my blood boils when I hear her say to her mother "Oh, no one mummy, just talking to my assistant."

How dare she? I'm no more her assistant than she is my _butler_!

I shove the poster into her hand rather forcefully and walk away.

Just then, George walks in the room, comes straight to me and says "Hermione, there's a sort of 'exchange program' that's going to happen. I'm going to go to Paris and the manager of the Fresco Corporation (that's where I work), who lives there, is going to come here. I want you 

to come to the Paris Airport with me and come back with the manager, and I want you to be his assistant for the duration of his stay. However, you will be sitting in the Economy class and he will be in Business. I hope that's alright."

"Er, yes sir, but why do I have to come to Paris with you in the first place?"

"I have no idea, really. Just a formality, I guess."

"Okay."

"Okay? Great. We leave tomorrow. You won't be having to do any packing, so it should be quite alright."

"Yes sir."

--

It is rather odd, I think as I go home, but I shouldn't object.

I don't like planes very much. I watched a show when I was young about terrorists hijacking planes and have been terrified ever since. The fact that we could crash any time isn't too comforting either.


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

Okay! I am all ready for the plane trip, despite my fear of flight.

I have a horrible hangover again as I had a bit too much to drink last night. But other than that, I'm fine. I have these horrid dark circles under my eyes, though.

Anyways, I manage the plane ride there in economy. I say goodbye to George and pick up my luggage and go to the queue.

As I am about to step in the plane, the air hostess says, "You look awfully tired,"

I smile weakly. "Yes, well, I haven't been having the best of times these past few days."

"Tell you what, how 'bout I give you an on-board upgrade?"

"You can do that?"

"Using our discretion, of course." She smiles surreptitiously. "Come with me."

I follow her and she shows me a seat in the business class. I gape.

"Wow. This is… this is fabulous! Thanks!" I say to her.

She smiles. "Don't worry about it."

I settle down next to a man in his late twenties. He looks about the same age as me. Oh, did I mention he's incredibly cute? He has black, tousled hair, a clean shaven face, with pale-ish skin and dark rings around his eyes. Although I somehow doubt he's been dumped by his 

boyfriend and is drinking madly every night and is thus unable to sleep, giving him panda-eyes.

I am just about to say hello to him, when the plane takes off. My breath catches in my throat. I hate this part the most.

He hears my little gasp, turns to me and gives me a small smile. "Are you a nervous flyer?"

"No…" the plane jerks into the air and I gasp again. "Yes."

His smile widens slightly and he turns back to his book.

He has a French accent. God, I've always thought French accents are so sexy. He doesn't have a very prominent French accent, like "zis is zo zcary, eez it noz?" or whatever. Just a hint of it. But it's still really sexy.

I can't believe I'm thinking about how sexy a stranger's accent is. That is so shallow.

I roll my eyes.

Just then, the plane gives an almighty lurch.

An air hostess who was carrying a tray of champagne glasses falls over and so does a man walking near her. They both cut their hands on the glass. A lady screams and a baby starts to cry when the plane jerks again. A man flies out of his seat and his head hits the ceiling. He's bleeding.

The pilot's voice comes over the crackly speaker. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your pilot speaking. Please do not be alarmed as we are just hitting some clear air turbulence. It will pass soon. Stay calm 

and remain in your seats with your seatbelts securely fastened. Thank you."

We're going to die. We're all going to die.

"Excuse me, what?" asks the man sitting next to me.

I turn to face him with wide eyes. Apparently I said it out loud. "We're all going to die." I repeat, clutching the seat handles hard. So is he, I note.

"No, we won't. the pilot said it was just some turbulence-"

"Well he couldn't possibly have said "That's it folks! We're all goners!" I cry.

He is at a loss for words.

"I've never done anything in my life that made my parents proud of me."

"I'm sure that's not true," he says, kindly, but a bit startled.

"No, really, I haven't. It's my cousin they're in love with. Her parents died when she was little and she came to live with us and my parents love her infinitely more than they do me, you can tell. She's so successful with her own company. I'm just a crappy assistant."

"I-"

"I once had a crush on my worst enemy from school and I never told anyone about it; how could I? Waltz into the room and say "Hey everyone, I think Draco Malfoy's hot!" I don't think so.

"I once had a lesbian dream about me and my best friend Lissy and I've never told anyone. Well, duh."

"I have a horrible habit of writing things on my hand.

"I borrowed my roommate's clothes all the time and she doesn't know about it. It's not technically stealing cos I return them.

"Sometimes I look around the office and wonder what the hell I'm doing here.

"I think my ex-boyfriend's a dweeb especially cos he can recite _The Sound of Music _word by word, and it just drives me crackers, even though I'm not technically dating him anymore.

"I always thought my best friends Harry and Ron were kind of gay.

"My G-string hurts me.

"I have a stuffed rabbit collection from when I was little. I think my cleavage is too small. I just couldn't give it away! I sometimes-"

I pause for breath here and see that the unfortunate guy next to me is staring at me oddly.

"I'm sorry. I think I got a bit carried away just then." I give a nervous half-laugh.

"It's quite all right." He says good naturedly.

The plane lurches again and the words keep rolling out of me.

"I talk to all sorts of inanimate objects- spoons, forks, plates, my TV, my computer.

"I occasionally wonder if there's anything else we're meant to do.

"When I'm really down I enjoy binging on chocolate ice cream and television.

"I like to read all the horoscopes in the newspaper every morning and choose which one I like best. I mean, I know scientifically that horoscopes aren't proven to be true or whatever but there's something to it. I mean, quite often something I read comes true.

"I have a thing about zoos.

"I'm claustrophobic.

"I can't stand my colleague cos she always acts like she's superior to me even though she's not.

"The coffee in my office is awful, absolute poison.

"I have my own personal head world, where there's world peace and no poverty or beggars. I wish that could happen in real life.

"I sometimes think that politicians are complete hobos.

"My Kate Spade bag is a fake.

"I love sweet sherry, although most people hate it.

"I've always thought my ex, Kevin looks a bit like Ken. As in Barbie and Ken. I have no idea what logistical means.

"I think my best friend and roommate, Lissy, has a crush on our neighbor, Michael.

"When Emily, that arrogant colleague of mine, really annoys me, I pour pen ink from this antique quill set my parents gave me into her pot plant. Which is pretty much every day.

"I have absolutely no control over my temper.

"I'm the most accident-prone person ever. I once tripped over nothing.

"I hate crochet, but my friend Carol insists on making crochet things for me and I have to pretend I lost them cos I don't want to hurt her feelings.

"If I hear that Carpenter's song "Close to you", I start crying,

"Sometimes my friend Karen will come in and ask me if I want to go over some numbers with her and it's really just code for 'Can we just nip down to Starbucks together?'

"I really wish I had bigger boobs, I mean not Pamela Anderson type boobs, just bigger.

"I have no idea what a G-spot is…

"My ideal date would start with champagne,

"I adore roasted peppers"

"…and my biggest secret, the one that only Lissy knows is that I'm still a virgin."

Just then, I happen to close my fat mouth and look around. The plane has stopped and people are starting to alight. There's an ambulance siren wailing outside already.

"We're not gonna die?" I ask, almost uncertainly.

"Quite right."

I feel a blush spreading across my face.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" I say. "You should have stopped me!"

"You were on a bit of a roll," he says, smiling apologetically.

I laugh nervously. "Sorry,"

"It's okay. Will you be okay seeing yourself home?"

"Er, yes, thanks."

"Ok, then,"

"Bye," I murmur, but I don't think he hears me.

--

"Oh, Lissy! It was so embarrassing!" I say to her on the phone at the airport later on.

"How? You admitted some secrets which I didn't even know you had to a complete stranger who you will never see again! No big deal!"

Famous last words.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I wait at the limousine which is supposed to pick up Blaise Zabini later on outside the London airport.

The chauffeur is holding up a sign with his name on it. I try to make small talk with him but he is clearly not interested.

Why does Blaise Zabini sound so familiar? I think maybe he might have been in Hogwarts. That would be so cool!

Wait, wasn't Zabini in Slytherin?

I hope he's over the prejudice against Gryffindors by now.

Oh of course he is! He couldn't be so successful without it, could he now?

Why didn't he become an auror or something? He's certainly smart enough.

So are you, I thought. I just want my life to be normal. To be real.

Just then, that guy from the plane appeared.

I felt a blush spreading across my face and I turn to look at my reflection in the car window nonchalantly. I peep round. The guy appears to be looking for something. _Oh, just go away already._ I think.

He appears to find what he was looking for. He starts walking towards… towards… oh my God, he's walking towards me! Oh, God, oh God don't tell me he's… he's… OHMIGOD he's Blaise Zabini. What have I done? What have I done?? I told EVERYTHING about me… _to my BOSS?!_ Oh Lords, save me now.

I'm so deceased.

He walks up to me and says "Hello, I suppose you're to be my 'tour guide' during my stay in London?"

"Er… yes." Oh fuc!etty fu!k, he remembers, doesn't he?

"I'm Blaise Zabini, and you are…" when I finally meet his eyes, I see he's grinning, amused.

"Hermione Granger." I mutter, almost inaudibly.

He's thrown for a minute. "Hermione… Granger?"

"Yes." The embarrassment is burning my face to a crisp, or at least, that's how it feels.

"Nice to meet you." He holds out his hand to shake mine, which I do, still bluntly avoiding his gaze.

"Shall we?" asks the chauffeur, politely gesturing to the car.

"Of course," says Blaise. "After you," he says to me, smirking.

I mutter a lot of very bad swear words under my breath and get in the car.

After about five uncomfortable minutes in the car, Blaise asks "So, Malfoy, huh? I know for a fact that Pansy Parkinson had a crush on him too. She harped on about him for ages."

"I- er…" the blush that had almost started to fade returned with full force.

"Mr. Zabini," I begin.

"Blaise." He interrupts me.

"Er, Blaise, I would like to apologize for my _shirking _episode in the plane. I am not too fond of travelling by air and I assure you it won't happen again. Also, not everything I said in the plane was entirely, er, true." I say awkwardly, managing to stay remarkably calm.

"So you _don't _like roasted peppers?" he asked curiously.

"Obviously _some _of it was true and, um…"

He hid a smile behind his hand.

"So, how's life?"

"I think you already know." I say, blushing some more.

"Yes, I suppose I do." He looks thoughtful. "So how's your department?"

"Er, we're a very friendly and industrious team and we enjoy cooperating in an integrated… team-based… um, operational," I catch his eye while trying to think of another big word. He knows this is complete bullshit, doesn't he?

Oh, God, what is the point? "No, in real life we don't behave anything like that. Paul, the head of our department, usually shouts at us ten times a day, Nick and Emily hate each other but I think secretly they're in love, and Mark… well, I have no idea what goes on in Mark's head. He hardly says a word."

"You amaze me." His mouth twitches. "The office in America seemed very false. My suspicions were aroused when two people in the marketing department there started simultaneously singing the Fresco Corporation song."

"Really? I didn't even know that existed."

"Neither did I."

"Is it any good?"

"What do you think?" he looks at me so deadpan that I have to giggle.

"So, anyways, how's life been treating _you_?" I ask after a moment, wondering if it's appropriate for an assistant to ask her boss how life's been treating him.

He didn't seem to mind, though.

"Fair enough. After my business partner Alex Laidler died though, things have been rather rough."

I nod understandingly. Alex Laidler and Blaise Zabini had taken a failing company and turned it into a successful business in an astonishingly short time. But when Alex had died in a car accident, Blaise, who had also been his best friend, had been devastated. He had disappeared from the public eye for quite some time before returning just recently to resume business as per normal.

"How are Harry and Ron?" he asks, politely.

I shrug. "Dunno. Haven't seen them in a while."

"Oh. I see."

"Harry's busy with Ginny and the kids and Ron had Cho's every wish to fulfill."

We roll our eyes simultaneously and grin.

Just then, we reach the office.

Blaise steps out and is instantly bombarded by a crowd of people. Mostly with cameras. Wow, I think, silently stepping out and heading up the steps of the office, to wait for him to catch up with me. After answering a few questions, he does and he says "Would you be so kind as to give me a grand tour?" smiling, of course.

I can't possibly say no.

Not that I actually want to.

Well, this might not be that bad, after all. Better make the best out of the situation!


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

The next day, I go to work with one intention: avoid Blaise Zabini. I mean, he's nice and all, but it's just WAY too awkward. Plus I'm his assistant, so that ought to complicate matters.

Oh, hell with it.

I settle down at my desk and shove my handbag in the drawer.

I look at the second cup of coffee I had bought on default. I shouldn't drink it, I would get high. So, with a sigh, I get up and go to his office.

I stick my head through his office door. He sees it and says "Good morning, Hermione," with a small grin.

I smile back as broadly as I can and he says, "So, what did you want to talk to me about?"

"Er, nothing, I just got you some coffee," I say, blushing profusely.

"Oh," he says, surprised. "Er, thanks!" he smiles again and my stomach flops and I give this small shiver.

"Are you cold?" he asks, surprised.

"Er, um, no?"

"Okay…"

"So, I'll just give you the…er," I walk over awkwardly and handed him the cappuccino.

"Thanks." He says smiling again.

--

Later on, at home, I want to talk to Lissy. But the minute I step in the house, I hear loud, thumping noises. From Lissy's bedroom Oh, God, she's having _sex?_

I decide to casually knock on Lissy's door and sound surprised as though the notion of sex had never occurred to me, when she comes out with a hot guy and tells me that they were watching TV. Except they would be in bathrobes or whatever. Tee hee. I would catch her out.

I knock on her door. There is some hurried thumping and Lissy comes out. With a guy. But they're fully clothed. BUT, they're panting. And red-faced. Iw. But still.

"Oh my GOD! Lissy, I am SO sorry! I had no idea! Um, I'll just, er, go." I walk out to the kitchen, blushing.

A moment later, Lissy joins me. "Who was that?" I ask.

"Er, my… um, boyfriend. His name is Jean, and he's French and we were… er… having wild, drunken sex. Yes, that's it."

"Okay…" I don't believe her.

"So," she says breezily, "How was your day?"

"Okay, I guess. No, it was horrible!"

Lissy looks at me, concerned. "Why? What happened?"

"LISS!" I cry, "Oh, Lis, I'm so DEAD!"

"Why are you dead, Hermione?" she says patiently.

"I blurted all my secrets to my mega-big-time-employer-boss-who-happens-to-be-incrediby-cute-and-has-a-French-accent-which-as-you-know-I-find-incredibly-sexy! What will I DO?"

"Er, Hermione, what secrets? I had no idea you _had _any secrets. And you already told me that part."

"Well, I'm his assistant and he acts so casual! And he's from Slytherin!" Lissy knew all about the Gryffindor-Slytherin thing.

"Oh my, well, anyways, WHAT SECRETS?"

"Everyone has a few secrets, Liss,"

"I don't."

"Yes, you do. Like the time you lost the keys to your dad's garage."

"That was ages ago!"

"And that giant crush you have on our neighbor, Jack?"

"I do NOT!" she says, blushing furiously.

"Fine. Shall I tell him, then? Hey, Jack!" I say leaning out the window. "Guess what? Lissy thinks you-"

"STOP! STOP!" says Lissy, dragging me away from the window.

"See? Everyone has a few secrets."

"Yes. I do see… but, you have a crush on him?"

"No! I just think… well… he's not _hideous…_"

"Ah," she winks knowingly. I blush. I do NOT have a crush on Blaise Zabini!!


End file.
